My Experience With The LEAP Motion
I’ve read a lot of reviews in the past two weeks now that LEAP has finally released the “look ma no hands” device that is going to turn is all into Tom Cruise and have our eyeballs replaced.
I’ve read a lot of complaints. It’s slow. It crashes. The apps don’t work. Nobody has yet been saved from a murder that hasn’t happened. Things like that. I like to be the judge of things myself and since I was a LEAP preorder - I think I preordered it sometime during my early adolescence - mine shipped nearly two weeks ago. Here is my experience so far.
When LEAP informed me that my pre-order was ready to go and asked me to confirm my address so that they were sure it was going to the right place, I promptly did. Then I immediately moved. My LEAP shipped on July the 17th via FedEx to the Post Office (WAT). It was out for delivery on by July the 24th. However, on the night of July the 23rd, I submitted a change of address form online. It cost me a dollar, but I believe that you get what you pay for. Since the US Postal System is a well oiled machine, they immediately sent my LEAP into a black hole they can only explain to me as “The Forwarding System”. As best as I can tell, here is how it works:
All mail is scanned by some machine which can miraculously read handwriting and labels placed in any location on the envelope or package. Apparently every post office has one of these. I can only assume this device was the last and most powerful invention of the late Nicola Tesla. This amazing display of modern technology then routes your mail to the appropriate place.
Once this wonderful contraption sees your letter or package going to an old address, a giant vortex opens up under the machine and your parcels are dropped into it.
Here is where things get a bit fuzzy for me. The machine is able to sort your mail, but if it forwards your mail, it has to go into the vortex where there is assumably another machine which repeats this same process. In the case of TN, this vortex of blackness and mystery is known as “Jackson”. Now that they have carted your mail 4 hours away, there is no way they can track it. This is the Post Office. They do not possess that sort of technology. Don’t be ridiculous.
Now when your mail has entered the vortex/forwarding center, you can do nothing but wait for it to be randomly spat or shat out the rear end. However long that takes is unknown, but it can take anywhere from 2 hours to 14 days. At this point, your mail comes back onto the grid. It’s been two weeks and you have made many phone calls and inquiries about the status of the vortex, but of course, nobody knows. This is not a system that you can understand and track with a simple code. You fool.
After some random amount of time, approximately 2 weeks, your mail begins to show up in the tracking system again. However, you cannot get it. You cannot get it because you now owe money to the vortex. Your package is not at the post office, it is with your friendly mail carrier. He visits your house (where you are not present as you do in fact have a job), and leaves a note telling you that you owe him/her money. You need to pay the carrier so that they can in turn pay the vortex, thusly appeasing it’s wrath and keeping the “old ones” asleep until the next vernal equinox.
The trick seems to be to catch the post office between the time the mail carrier leaves in the morning (around 7:47 AM) and the time they get back to the post office (around 4:47 PM) but before the post office closes at 5:00 PM. This seems like it would be rather easy to do, except for the fact that every other person with a package held hostage by the post office is also trying to pull off the exact same feat. Leaving you fighting with each other like a rabid and wounded animal. The Post Office is also under the impression that 1 staff member should suffice to handle the 31 seething people in line who are all on the verge of a schizophrenic break with reality.
If you do not catch the package in the roughly 13 minutes during the busiest part of the day, the process will repeat itself over and over again each day for an undisclosed amount of time. At which point the Post Office will return the box to sender sending it back into the vortex - and well - you already know what happens after that.
Hopefully this review has really opened your eyes and helped you decide whether or not you should buy one of your own, move, and then descend into a lower circle of hell. I wanted to do an unboxing video for you, but until I fork over $3.77, we’ll just have to wait longer.
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